I live my life like a diamond





What I Feel Like When I Feel Like a Little Girl

Today my mom told me
that I look like I did
when I was twelve years old,
with matted middle school hair
and face like a wound picked raw.

I saw those photos yesterday.
They were displayed in front of the whole family,
who laughed at the girl
with the lumpy goddess body
looking ridiculous
towering over her sisters and cousins
shining their baby teeth
shining like new pencils.

I became aware of
every extra handful of me,
every fucking handful I thought
no one would ever touch
All at once, I remembered
that I had once been a girl
who feared nothing more than being laughable.

I am a woman’s body.
I am a cheap fucking joke.
I am a girl who gets hollered at in the streets.

3 notes


Three Hours to La Spezia

I fragment my reading
in order to look out the
window on the train.
There were God-like mountains
on the other side
and        e                 ach
        p          a
                            ge
loo    
            k                     ed         l
   i

                   ke                    t     h    i

      s

3 notes




"Have you already decided what college you're going to ?"
- Anonymous

BEING DECIDED TONIGHT I HOPE

BASICALLY MY PARENTS TOLD ME I COULD GO TO BARNARD AND I BELIEVED IT FOR LIKE A WEEK BUT THEN THEY WERE LIKE “WAIT THAT WAS A MISTAKE TO TELL YOU WE WEREN’T THINKING THIS IS ACTUALLY TERRIBLE I DON’T THINK WE CAN AFFORD THIS YOU CAN MAYBE NOT GO ACTUALLY”

AND IT IS TERRIBLE AND I’D PREFER NOT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT IT BUT WILL DEF UPDATE YOU LIKE TOMORROW



"Where are you going to college?"
- Anonymous

right now it’s most likely between UCLA, USC, and Barnard. I’ll certainly let you all know when I decide!! <3



"

100 Ways to be Elegant (without depending on a label)

1. Send thank you notes, always and to everyone.

2. Practice good posture

3. Speak more softly

4. Listen without interrupting

5. Wear solid colors

6. Ignore fads, or use them sparingly

7. Have a signature wine that you serve at home

8. Wear only 2-3 accessories

9. Have impeccable manners

10. Read on a variety of topics

11. Maintain a budget

12. Study the arts

13. Have one signature perfume/cologne

14. Show restraint in expressing anger

15. Learn the art of conversation

16. Learn French

17. Wear a trench coat

18. Learn how to wear a scarf

19. Wear a tuxedo, when one is called for

20. Practice quality over quantity

21. Don’t yell or scream

22. Learn to dance the waltz

23. Have one fabulous signature meal you serve guests

24. Remember birthdays

25. Go on picnics

26. Wear dresses/suits more often, and on dates

27. Simplify your life, your home and your calendar

28. Wear pearls

29. Open the door for ladies

30. Let him open the door for you

31. Remember that it’s more important to be kind than it is to be right

32. Serve coffee or tea after meals

33. Arrive exactly on time

34. Don’t complain

35. Dress to travel

36. Be well travelled

37. If you’re a women, don’t wear black shoes between Memorial Day and Labor Day…wear spectator pumps instead

38. Keep your home clean and uncluttered

39. When guests stay over, put a small pitcher and glass for water on their nightstand, along with a book they might enjoy

40. Learn how to host a small dinner party

41. Have one subdued solid color scheme throughout your home, use accessories to add color

42. Learn how to make the perfect martini

43. Learn how to tie both a regular tie and a bow tie (whether you’re a man or a woman)

44. Be a lady or a gentleman at work, especially when delivering a difficult message or when tempers flare

45. Wear lovely/handsome hats

46. Don’t point out the mistakes of others

47. Wait your turn patiently

48. Don’t curse

49. Chew each bite 20 times

50. Sip your drink

51. Learn proper etiquette for all situations

52. Accept compliments graciously

53. Be quietly self confident

54. Don’t boast

55. Be respectful of others

56. Have fresh flowers in your home

57. Write a letter rather than send an email to those you love

58. Keep your nails well manicured

59. Maintain your shoes and clothing

60. Don’t ever lose your joie de vivre

61. Be well groomed

62. Remember that money does not equal elegance, nor is it necessary to be elegant

63. Wear less make-up

64. Wear well-fitting clothes

65. Spray lavender on your sheets

66. Be positive

67. Learn to politely say no

68. Be concerned with making others feel comfortable

69. Maintain good health

70. Don’t overindulge

71. Hold yourself to high standards

72. Turn your mobile off at dinner PLEASE

73. Wear simple, classic hairstyles

74. Think before you speak or act. Ask yourself, can anything good come from this?

75. Apologize quickly and sincerely

76. Have integrity, even when no one is looking.

77. Don’t speak ill of others, or gossip

78. Always take a gift to your host or hostess

79. Tie a scarf on your handbag

80. Take a clutch in the evening

81. Wear well fitting jeans with either a long sleeve white shirt or solid sweater for more casual events

82. Only wear sneakers for exercise

83. Use white sheets, white towels, white dishes

84. Be sure your clothes are pressed

85. Your car’s horn should say “pardon me, but do you see me?”, rather than “get out of my way!”

86. Overdo empathy

87. Light candles in your home

88. Go for walks in the park on Sunday

89. Give others sincere compliments

90. Understand your own worth

91. Learn how to open a bottle of champagne

92. Dress appropriately for the occasion

93. Do small favors for others, without expecting anything in return

94. Say please and thank you

95. Take the time to stop and listen to others, especially children

96. Take responsibility for yourself and your own happiness

97. Keep a journal

98. Give thoughtful gifts, rather than expensive ones

99. Less is more

100. Savor the moment

"
 (via southerlyhouse)

Let’s play the iphoto selfie game because my hair is accidentally nice and there is no one here to see it and that makes me mad



"Dear Sophia, I believe that there are better things to come. I think that you'll go to the college of your dreams and meet cute and nerdy college boys and have a successful career. That is all. Have a lovely holiday :)"
- Anonymous

Mmmm I do not know if this person knows me in real life or not, but regardless, things with Carter are working out. And things with my “career,” or the beginnings of it, are on the brink, as well. I don’t know how things with Carter will go in the future, (especially because we are not dating), and there have been some bad times, but we are still very special to each other and I’m taking care of myself. We’re getting some negative vibes from people around us, but it really is a private relationship and I’m absolutely going to be ok, with or without him. You are so sweet, whoever you are, and I am so lucky to have little mysteries in my life that care about me. Thank you. I hope your holidays were wonderful. Mine definitely were. 



Tonight I Can Write (The Saddest Lines)

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example, ‘The night is starry and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance.’

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is starry and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight tries to find her as though to bring her closer.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that’s certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another’s. She will be another’s. As she was before my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that’s certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.

5 notes


It’s Cool, We Can Still Be Friends - Bright Eyes

91 plays

The Warmth of Winter 

I do not know what to think.
I do not know what to do when someone blatantly does not love you.
Like they say so.
And don’t even feel remorse for it.
What are you supposed to do.
It is Christmas. And I have things to do and finish and look nice for and celebrate.
But I just feel terrified and self-destructive and totally paralyzed.

I also feel like I love myself. 
And I am incredibly brave.
I love myself so much that I don’t understand why this person doesn’t love me.
And maybe that is good.
Maybe I am better.
Maybe that is a promise that I will not be destroyed by this.
And that there are better things to come.
But now I am confused and possibly more hurt than I’ve ever been in my life.
Because I tried so hard.
I’ve never tried so hard at anything. 

4 notes


"I am constantly inspired by you. You're so intelligent, kind, clever, creative, *insert all other good adjectives here*. I know that no one is perfect but you seem so perfect I'm afraid to say hello. Thank you for blessing us with your loveliness. I wish you the best."
- Anonymous

Oh my gosh I never saw this until now so I’m sorry if it’s been a while. Wow. Ah. Thank you so much. You are so kind. I…am baffled. And all I can say is that I feel so blessed to be able to be that for you and that there are people who actually feel this way about me and mer. I am actually a normal human who is mean and snippy and selfish and sad and lazy and irresponsible and every other bad thing you could think of so definitely do not be afraid to say hello x) You are kind. I wish you the best, as well. Truly.



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